Anyway, back to the tyres. Now, as you know, you drive into the tyre shop and they fit new tyres in half an hour or so. Or you drop off the car just after 0900 and it is finally ready about 1715.

So here’s the story. I hadn’t booked the car in so they would’ be able to do it till late morning. Not a problem – I didn’t need the car today, and the tyre shop is only a short walk from CGF’s (in fact, I’d already factored in these considerations when deciding that today was a good day to get the tyres done).

A while later they phoned me – the first of several phone calls. Long story short but the gist of the conversation was “we’ve lost your car keys”. I know I’d left them there – I almost walked out with them in my hand until the guy reminded me and when he asked about the wheel nut lock I said “give me the keys; I’ll get it” he replied “no it’s all right, we’ll make a note here and find it” and kept the keys. So I knew I was not to blame, and therefore remained quite calm and lackadaisical about the whole episode. CGF said she would have been tearing her hair out in panic if it had been her.

Luckily, I have a spare key. Except it is in Smalltown – 20 miles away. So after lunch we set off for Smalltown.

Problem Number 1: It’s Friday of a bank holiday weekend. Traffic was horrendous. The 50 minute return journey took 90 minutes (though we did stop for fuel). Well, maybe traffic is always this bad on a Friday afternoon – I don’t get out much. And, as I gleefully point out whenever I get the opportunity, my route to work is along rural back roads where “heavy traffic” is three cars stuck behind a tractor (incidentally I did get stuck behind a tractor yesterday – towing a load of hay bales up the steepest hill in the area, speed down to below 5 mph in places and too many bends to overtake).

Problem Number 2: I forgot my house keys. Luckily I realised before we had gone too far (so the slow traffic cloud did have a silver lining). But it still added another 30 minutes to the journey.

Eventually we got back to the tyre shop and they were able to do the work. And they will sort out a replacement key for me.

The Epilogue: my main key is a proximity key, which means that as long as I have the key on me I just press a button to unlock the doors. My spare key is a proper key – but the lock is on the passenger door. So to open my car I have to unlock the passenger door; then walk round to the driver door. And here’s the really weird bit. The passenger door lock unlocks all the doors, but locks only itself. To lock the car I have to use the internal central locking button - but that doesn’t work if any door other than the driver’s is open. Which is OK if I’ve been driving, but not if I’ve only opened the car to get something out (1: unlock car from passenger side; 2: get thing out; 3) close passenger door; 4) open driver door and use internal lock button; 5) close driver door; 6) check all doors are locked). Just got to be extra careful not to lock my keys inside.