But they had a chat option, so I tried that (pretending to be Mrs Barefoot).

“I’d like to change the account the direct debit payment is taken from”
“Is it your bank account”
“no, it’s my husband’s”
“in that case we have to do that over the phone as we need your husband’s verbal authority”
“OK, but how will you know that it is my husband you are talking to?”
“we’ll ask security questions, such as his address”
“but that’s the same as my address so won’t really prove much”

I didn’t point out that they they hadn’t done much security checking to verify that it really was Mrs Barefoot on the chat session.

We phoned them a couple of days later and they took all the details. And changed our tariff, which wasn’t what we were phoning for but it probably gives them a tick in the “yes we sold something” box. And guess what – the direct debit hasn’t been changed and they have “no record” of the request. But they have managed to change the tariff, which was part of the same telephone conversation.

We bought a new oven. But when the retailer’s installer came to fit it they discovered a gas pipe in the way. After £200 to get the gas pipe moved I try to rearrange delivery.

I phoned the delivery and installation service. Because we had gone into the store to order the oven, rather than online, “redelivery has to be rebooked by the store”. But not to worry as while I was on the phone, the call taker emailed the store to ask them to rearrange delivery. Yes, you read that correctly. The delivery centre emailed the store asking them to contact the delivery centre to arrange redelivery.

Later in the afternoon the store phoned Mrs Barefoot to say that they will contact us later to arrange delivery (!). Which, to be fair to the store, they did. But this time they told us that because we’d gone to the store in person, we had to go back to the store. I hope you’re following this.

We go back to the store and customer service phone the delivery centre. From the menu choices and information given I’m pretty certain it was exactly the same call centre that I’d phoned a couple of days earlier.

Guess what? The oven is now out of stock (so, er, what happened to the oven you originally brought us?) but should be back in stock at the end of September (yeah, that end of September that happened a week ago).

Still waiting …